So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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