Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
