Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
