I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
