Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize