I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize