Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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