I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
