Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
