On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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