How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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