why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
