At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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