White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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