Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize