Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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