i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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