I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
