i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
