I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
