We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
