We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
