I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize