No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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