Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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