Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
