i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
