i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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