I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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