They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
