I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
