I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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