I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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