i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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