Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
