I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
