I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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