This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
