she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
