i just google imaged poop.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
