Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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