Cold hands, warm shart.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's like iHOP with fire
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
