i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Two words: nipple clamps
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