I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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