I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
