is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
