Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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