dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
