Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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