as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
