doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
