The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
