idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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