Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
