mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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