she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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