Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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