Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
