btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize