Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im holly from the hills drunk
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
