He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
