dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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