Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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