I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
