your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
