Betty ford says i'm here all night
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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