He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
