The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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