Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
