he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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