I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
