Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
