i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
