Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize