So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
