You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't turn off my feet"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
