Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
